How I Kept My Sanity

 Going through such a traumatic experience, such as the NICU, can be, well, traumatizing. It took all I had to get out the door each day and this is how I did it. Take these pointers however you wish. Use them to help comfort those going through these situations, or use them to prepare yourself for the unexpected. I hope a few good things can come from my experience, this being one.

1. My testimony. I knew that through the atonement, Christ suffered for not only our sins but our trials as well. He knew better than anyone what I was going through. Also, I knew that through the plan of salvation my little boy was saved and no matter how long he lives here on this earth we would be together in the life after this. Also, I knew that if I had faith in my Heavenly Father, I could muddle my way through anything. If I didn't have my testimony (and trust me, it's not as deep as one might think) I wouldn't have been able to walk through those sliding doors four (plus) times a day. Some days the Lord had to drag me through those doors, but I knew if I trusted in him and stayed diligent to the rigorous lifestyle that is required of a NICU mom I wouldn't have regrets. I owe all my sanity to the Lord. Even now and before this experience, He is the way, the only way.
2. A Predictable Routine. Half the time I hated the routine, but it didn't allow me to sit around and feel bad for myself or hide from my new life for hours/days at a time. Because we all know, once you start down that depression path, it gets harder and harder to come back.
3. Frequent visits from the same two people. My mom and Michael. Mom would come Tuesdays through Thursdays and Mike would come every weekend. He and I would even go to church together. It allowed only one or two days for me to be alone. Those days were my saddest. It was good to have alone time to just think, but after too long it would get quite lonely and depressing.
4. The McKay Dee Guest Home. What a blessing! The cost to stay was more than manageable and the rooms were so comfy! When I first heard of a guest home I imagined a run down bunk house. But nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about it, but seriously, huge blessing. I could come back from the NICU and just crash. No worries at all. Plus they had DirectTV and it was nice to be able to just shut off my brain for awhile.
5. Healthy eating. I ate mostly salads with meat or beans and rice from my fridge at the guest house or from the cafeteria (on special occasions). I've never eaten so healthy in my life. This helped with my milk supply as well as my sanity.
6. Energy bars at Little Bug's bedside. This was helpful for the days I missed a meal. I worked hard at not needing these very often but they were sure helpful on the busiest of days.
7. Yoga. For those of you who know me, I hate exercise. I don't know what it is, but I have a hard time getting myself to do it. However, I saw the sign up for a pregnancy twice-a-week yoga class taught in the hospital for one month and I jumped on it. My mom came with me and we loved our teacher to death! It was essential for my sanity to (1) see other hopeful, happy, expecting moms, (2) get my heart rate up, and (3) meditate and give myself an hour of peace and tranquility. I can't push this aspect enough in coping with stress. Go. To. Yoga. It's not hard and if once you are comfortable in the class it is relaxing to the mind yet invigorating to the body.
8. Finances taken care of. Mike handled the billing while I was staying at the guest house and I loved having a break from the worry that comes with bills. Also, I knew that our health insurance was super duper and whatever bills came our way would be manageable. I know that isn't an option for everyone, but if you are an expecting mom and have the option of a superior insurance company TAKE IT! So many things can go wrong with a pregnancy!
9. Scrapbooking. Ok, ok, I know it isn't everybody's thing but hear me out. The parent involvement program in the NICU (Common Bonds) was so helpful with their weekly scrapbooking days. (1) it was a time I could meet and get to know other moms in the NICU, (2) all the supplies were donated (thank you!) and (3) it was a creative outlet. I especially loved the greeting card kits. All the paper was cut out and pre-designed. All we had to do was follow the directions and glue each piece in place. I needed that so much. Just to be able to make something happy and adorable without having to think about it. 
10. Comedy. Specifically Modern Family and YouTube (search "laughing baby"). Given, some days I just wanted to crawl in a hole, but most days really weren't too bad. I rented the first season of Modern Family the first week I was in the NICU. Getting in a good laugh or two each day really is good for the soul. 
11. People cooing over my baby. Whether it was facebook or visitors in the NICU, I loved it when people would tell me how adorable my boy was (is!). He was perfect to me and I wanted to show him off to the world. I know the images of Little Bug hooked up to monitors and tubes and IVs might have been quite scary for most people but I needed people to see past the scary parts, cuz that's what I was trying to do every single day. I would read and re-read everyone's comments on facebook cuz they would give me a boost of motivation.
12. Making myself at home in the NICU, specifically Bug's bedside. I bought Little Bug a couple stuffed animals from the gift shop of the hospital, a giraffe, a puppy, and the famous sock monkey. I can't explain it, but it brought me comfort knowing a piece of me was staying with him between feeds while I was away. The night he got sick we had to move to a different room and I made double-y sure to grab his stuffed animals because I couldn't bear the thought of him being alone in the coming hours when I would eventually crash and sleep back at the guest house. Also, it was a happy reminder that I had a baby! And that is worth celebrating! I would recommend giving stuffed animals to any NICU babies.
13. My mom asking so many questions I should have been asking. I was so maxed out, I wasn't always functioning at full mental capacity. Her sharp mind was very helpful when it came time to talk to the doctors, therapists, nurses, lactation specialists, ect.
14. Making friends who were in the same boat at the same time. I heard so many stories of friends and family who had had preemies and that "if I needed anything I could call." I greatly appreciated the support (really, I did) but I didn't really have any questions because every NICU baby is vastly different from the next. Making friends in the NICU was a blessing because we could laugh about our deliveries. We could laugh about learning how to nurse. It sounds ridiculous, and I can't explain it, but it just felt good to be with others going through the same things simultaneously.
15. One of the best baby gifts we got was a gift card to a local fast food chain. Some of our NICU friends gave us one as we were going home and it couldn't have come in more handy! Our first week home was hectic! We received some freezer meals from ward members and spent time with family, but it took a little while before I got back on the cooking band wagon. I loved having the freedom to go out and grab a fast hot dinner for free. (Thank you Packer family!)